There’s nothing quite like a new addition to the family to put stress on a couple’s relationship. While a baby brings with it so much joy and more often than not, increased connection between partners, it also adds multiple demands on the couple and can wear resources thin. Juggling the role of parent with the role of partner can sometimes be tricky, especially under conditions where you are sleep-deprived, emotionally-drained and can’t remember the last time you sat down and had 5 minutes just to yourself. In times as such , it’s easy to become more reactive and less patient with each other, more critical and less appreciative- which can not only increase conflict & tension but also start emptying that tank of compassion & good will which is essential to fueling your relationship. Continue Reading →
All posts in Relationships
Staying In Love after Baby – 4 things all couples should practice
What’s Love Got To Do With It? – Or Why Technology is Not Going to Help You Find The One.
In a follow up to her last webcast which I explored in my article on The Neurobiology of Sex, relationship therapist and expert Pat Love looks at the increasing phenomena of online dating and the negative impact she believes this is having on our long-term staying power in monogamous relationships. She blames “choice fatigue” for this – and explains that “with hundreds of dating websites, thousands of potential partners to choose from, and the ability to specify attributes of a perfect mate in exacting detail, people are, paradoxically, less confident about their selections and increasingly dissatisfied with their current relationships.” Continue Reading →
The Neurobiology of Sex
In Dr Pat Love’s latest article for Psychotherapy Networker, the researcher and couple’s specialist takes a look at how brain chemistry may lie at the heart of what makes or breaks sexual intimacy in relationships. In it, she highlights three significant points around the neurobiology of sex : (1) How understanding that passion is influenced by chemical releases in the brain is key in reducing shame and insecurity when sex isn’t working in a relationship . (2) That honesty about our sexual desires with our partners promotes satisfaction in the bedroom and (3) That you can , with the right tools and awareness, begin to revamp your sexual relationship with your partner if you want to.
The Gift of Someone’s Else’s Bad Behaviour
‘Step 9 : Atonement With the Father – For if it is impossible to trust the terrifying father-face, then one’s faith must be centered elsewhere (in the Blessed Mother); and with that reliance for support, one endures the crisis—only to find, in the end, that the father and mother reflect each other, and are in essence the same.‘
– Joseph Campbell, The Monomyth
I have to say at no other point in my life would this quote have ever made sense except in the circumstances that I have recently found myself in. Having just gone through a difficult separation with my partner, I was also then faced with a lot of rather unsavoury exchanges with him over the logistics of how we would move forward to take our lives apart as a couple, but still remain co-parents of our young daughter. The practicalities and tricky nuances of which are commonly experienced by separating couples who have children. Continue Reading →
Myths and Truths about Happy Couples
In Judy Lightstone’s article on “Myths and Truths about Happy Couples”, she takes a look at what extensive research has revealed about what makes for a healthy and joyful partnership (and vice versa) . Readers may be surprised to learn that it is not the number of differences or things a couple disagree on that can make or break that relationship, but more so – how they discuss these differences that is key to their satisfaction and success together. The article includes findings from world renowned research-practitioner John Gottman’s studies on couples dynamics and also proposes a few useful ways in which we can work towards overcoming the “4 Horsemen” of Continue Reading →
Embracing Vulnerability
In line with my last article on “Hugging the Chaos”, where I explore the potential for self-growth that lies in learning to stay with and re-story our past anxieties , is Brene Brown’s increasingly popular suggestion that there is much personal power to be found in embracing our vulnerability. In her TED talk on “The Power of Vulnerability” , she takes a look at this counter-intuitive, and yet vital approach we can take towards our own vulnerability, or parts of us which we have felt we need to keep hidden from the world. Continue Reading →
Love and Mindful Relationships
In the article “From Romantic to True Love: Life, Love and Mindful Relationships (Part I)” Carole Bradshaw takes a look at what it means to be in true love as opposed to the first phase of love or ‘falling in love’ in an intimate relationship. She discusses the importance of making the distinction between these two phases, a framework which Gary Chapman, author of couple’s resource “Things I wish I’d known before We got Married”, similarly proposes and also highlights as being key when a couple are considering entering into a marriage. Bradshaw goes on to suggest that while Continue Reading →